No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
