are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
