Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
