I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
