and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
