god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
