I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
