Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm at about main and main street
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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