I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
