if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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