I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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