Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
