If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
