I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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