I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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