you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
