I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am midnight drunk by noon
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
