drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
