true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
