the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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