it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
