Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
