If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
