Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
