My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
