I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
