he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
