The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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