life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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