Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
