she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
