How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
