Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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