Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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