I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
