I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
