im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I love having hate sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
