Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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