I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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