It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
