We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
