I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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