dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
