Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
