do herpes really smell.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
