All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
