Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
