Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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