she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
