I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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