dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
