matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
