I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
