I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
