I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
