I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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