I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
