I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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