So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
