i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
