omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
