I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
