I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
